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  1. A sentence is more than just a word, and I hope you idiots are not too stupid to play this game.

  2. This game is too good for you people.

    • El B.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 245 friends
    • 561 reviews

    You people should get off my lawn!

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    My lawn is half dead with piles of neighbor's dog shit.

  3. Dog shit makes good ammo for asshole drivers.

  4. Asshole drivers are always to blame for my sister's car accidents.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Car accidents usually suck donkey shlong.

    • 1 friend
    • 5 reviews

    Car accidents are most likely caused by crazy women I dump after a short, torrid love making affair.

    • 386 friends
    • 40 reviews

    Make affair with my donkey shlong

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Donkey shlong says make affair all over it!

    • 3 friends
    • 17 reviews

    All over it Muriel you cum guzzler

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Cum guzzler is probably not a title I want to win with first  place.

  5. First place winner is an ass licker.

  6. A virus might be to blame for waking up feeling this way.

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Only way outta here is DOWN!

  7. Is down the new up?

  8. New up the street is a bakery.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    A bakery may add special ingredients to the mix, and we'll never know....

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Never know who you may run into on these mean streets at night.

  9. Always, here will I be, waiting for you...

  10. For you,  i would do anything.. . But i won't do that.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Do that little thing you do babe.

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Do Babe Ruth's descendants get royalties from all those candy sales?

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Candy sales are at an all time high in 2015, for Fatty McNatty's.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Fatty McNatty's is what we called her cause you had to roll the dough to find the wet spot.

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Wet Spot smells so much worse than freshly washed, brushed, and fluffed dry Spot.

  11. In Oaktown, I'm trying to get to the zoo, the vegan soul food, or the dim sum.

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Dim sum lights in here, dude, it's way too bright to chill.

  12. "Best interests of the child" is such an arbitrary decision in a lot of foster/adoption cases these days.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    These days, most humans should not be granted the privilege of parenting children, fa realz.

    • 3 friends
    • 17 reviews

    Fa realz tho watch out with liliana cause she might be a 3 legged hooker

  13. Technically, three legged hooker should be hyphenated...

    "Three-legged hooker" sounds like the punchline to a bad joke.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    My feelings get hurt when people are mean, so everyone needs to be nice, cause I'm Italian/Sicilian, and I'll wack you and feed you to the Sharks!

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Surfer's foot is kinda like Athlete's foot, but really salty.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Blood pressure machines at Walgreens....member those?

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Member those days when you had better lays?

  14. Better lays chips flavors are available now than before.

  15. Sentence fragment(s) are only really acceptable in the form of a text message.

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    Text message me when you're done dropping a deuce.

    • 386 friends
    • 40 reviews

    A deuce wrapped up in the middle of the night.

  16. The night is young as is the smoking Cleveland steamer

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    Her nose was full of snot balls

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Snot balls...never the best image for a first impression.

  17. first impression(s) are important, but not necessarily something you need to obsess about.

  18. His car slid down the embankment with an awful screech of metal-on-metal as he broke through the guardrail.

  19. Forest Fire(s) are no joke- recent news coverage stated that an area as large as the state of New Jersey has burned so far this year.

  20. Last year I discovered McVites Digestives!

  21. McVites digestives sound like the sort of product that quack Dr. Oz would try to sell.

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    To sell their body for $ would be the next person to chime in.

  22. Chime in with a coherent sentence next time.

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    Next time eat a d!ck

    • 3 friends
    • 17 reviews

    A dick in your butt Lilian

  23. years back, there was a website you could go to, to read restaurant reviews.

  24. Restaurant reviews became passe and boring; now everyone's indulging in orgy.

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    In orgy in Umesh mouth often happens when he eats a huge burrito

  25. Huge burrito farts is what drives Peter's paella stove.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Paella stove creates heat that ignites my mojo.

    • 123 friends
    • 157 reviews

    Mobile apps sound delish, appetizers delivered right to me, I say yes!

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Say yes, baby, and i promise to try not to cheat again.

  26. "Cheat again," states the newly updated and more secure Ashley Madison website.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Madison website; shame shame, I know your name.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    Oh wait....phone didn't refresh. Lol....oops.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    The megaphone...pretty fucking annoying way to get your point across.

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Point across the table at my face one more time and i'm biting your finger.

  27. Your finger ideally should not be in her bunghole.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Her bunghole needs TP says Beavis and Butthead says shut up douche bag!

  28. Douche bags are actually legit personal hygiene articles that you people perversed via misuse of the term, assholes!

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Assholes, everyone's got em unless you're the most interesting man in the world stay thirsty my friends.

  29. ^  #sheeshsumbodyfergutdarulez

    • 250 friends
    • 115 reviews

    my friends are all getting married, and I'm like, good luck with that bro.

  30. That bro rolls hos before bros yo!

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Bros yo mama knows includes Brad, Tad, Chad, and Umesh.

    • 378 friends
    • 6 reviews

    And Umesh, good job on your clever sentences.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    ^@UmeshYostinkingrules=nofun

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Clever sentences make you witty and being a foody gets me off!

  31. #goodoneassholeiamstillthinkin­gnow

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    Thinking now- come back later!

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Shut this thread down
    It's toast!!!!

    • 480 friends
    • 37 reviews

    "It's toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, and ham, all your favorites!" he yelled, handing the not-so-warm birthday breakfast plate to his bleary eyed, groggy girlfriend.

    • 106 friends
    • 63 reviews

    Groggy girlfriend(s) in the morning do not necessarily give good head, considering they may miss their target.

  32. Their target was the blue cheese but instead they had to settle for brie.

    • 136 friends
    • 201 reviews

    For Brie goes on crackers and Swiss goes on a burger silly fack

  33. "Silly fack!" said the flatulent paella maker who can't spell

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Most Recent Posts

    • 114 friends
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    The end is near, so let's have a beer.

    • 127 friends
    • 564 reviews

    A beer keg and some fried foods will be the tried and true over the counter headache relief.

    • 129 friends
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    Headache relief is usually accompanied by a beer or a shot of Whiskey.

  1. Of whiskey, women, and wine went the saying, but I forget the rest.

    • 127 friends
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    The rest of us would rather have a bloody mary in the morning then head back to sleeping it off.

    • 129 friends
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    It off with her head said the King after catching her indulging in the muskatel and cigars.

    • 129 friends
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    (Wow Kelly you rebel. Do you still like cigars?)
    Taste test between a Cabernet, Merlot and Pinot Noir and the difference is huge.

    • 114 friends
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    "Is huge!" my Slovenian sweetheart exclaimed, when she first beheld my manhood.

  2. My manhood laughed at me in the mirror

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    The mirror shredded itself when it saw Umey, just like the painting.

  3. The painting of my manhood kept G-man up awake at night.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    At night, Umey turns into a blood sucking vampire and if you don't watch this son of ah motherless goat will eat you out.

  4. You out and about tonight?  Beware the sloths.

  5. The sloths are busy at the sloth machines tonight.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    "Machines tonight are barely moving," he said, "when is the last time you lubricated them?"

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Lubricated them parts real good and now it's time to fornicate.

    • 148 friends
    • 575 reviews

    To Fornicate or Not to fornicate, That is The Question.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Golden Gate Gardering is a great book for would-be local food growers.

    • 114 friends
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    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Food growers, I tell you grow organic it's the way to go and much healthier.

    • 127 friends
    • 564 reviews

    American Fare is really a melting pot of a multitude of other ethnic cuisines, but remade to adapt to the nations ingredient availabilities.

    • 127 friends
    • 518 reviews

    Ingredient availabilities may be significantly disrupted by the impending Lesser Magellanic Cloud Doom Fleet invasion.

  6. "an enema of the state" would make a rather interesting typo for a movie title.

    • 114 friends
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    Movie title composed of words most commonly used in movie titles (h/t Boing Boing) "Love One Big Black, Mr. Little."

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Mr. Little aka Rich Little, is a long-standing comedian who till this day performs in Vegas.
    youtu.be/3bHsYDH_7I4

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    In Vegas, you can still get a cheap dinner, but the $9.95 prime rib is history.

    • 3 friends
    • 71 reviews

    Michael D., could you get 2 bites for $9.95?  That might still be worth it.

    • 3 friends
    • 71 reviews

    Is history still taught in schools today?

    • 114 friends
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  7. Schools today are very different from the ones we went to as kids.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    As kids, we had no worries of bills and making ends meat.

    • 114 friends
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    Ends meet when you bump butts while dancing.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    While dancing I busted out doing a pop lock then a gyro.

    • 214 friends
    • 429 reviews

    A gyro wrap is one of my favorite Mediterranean foods, but I still don't know how it's pronounced.

  8. It's pronounced yee-roes and it doesn't mean plural.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    "Mean plural" is an anagram of a renal lump.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Dim sum nice looking melons you got tootz.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Got tootz from eating too many beanz.

  9. Many Benz were rolled out from the new Mercedes plant in Mexico just south of the border

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    The border wall could be funded by a gofundme account.

    • 456 friends
    • 124 reviews

    gofundme account is great for people who are in need of help.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Of help, everyone needs a bug out bag which is tip #1 from doomsday preppers.

  10. "Doomsday preppers" sounds like high school kids trying to ace their Superman killing aptitude test.

    • 1736 friends
    • 652 reviews

    Aptitude test can be a useful tool to show actual intelligence.

    • 456 friends
    • 124 reviews

    actual intelligence is difficult to measure

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    To measure, as I recall being the only one to pass a particular test I took because I knew the measurements on a ruler.

  11. A ruler, at their whim, could spank any subject with one.

    • 1736 friends
    • 652 reviews

    With one motion he ended the dictator's reign of terror.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Of terror, it's a weekly occurrence to hear about mass shootings and to know the perpetrators have no value or meaning to life is inconceivable.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Is inconceivable was the doctor's verdict that had sent us to the fertility clinic.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Fertility Clinics like the Sperm Donor Clinic seems to be a one handed job so I been told.

    • 456 friends
    • 124 reviews

    colored liquors make drinking more fun

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    More fun we would have if you'd just loosen up you tight ass!

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    To loosen up first I make a drink called, "A slow comfortable screw."

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Comfortable screws require Southern Comfort.

  12. "Southern Comfort and a side of baby back ribs", ordered the customer.

  13. "The customer is never right," said the bankrupt erstwhile business owner.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    "Business owner, I wish," the man proclaimed, "just another wage slave."

    • 456 friends
    • 124 reviews

    wage slave is a sad situation

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Sad situation is being a wage slave to this world which is why I'm retiring early!

    • 114 friends
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    Retiring early tonight because I have to drive to Fresno tomorrow morning.

    • 456 friends
    • 124 reviews

    tomorrow morning, i better boil some eggs.

    • 127 friends
    • 564 reviews

    Some eggs are good on top of my Caesar salad with extra dressing and Italian anchivies

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Italian Anchovies I love with pizza but most people don't like it.

    • 127 friends
    • 564 reviews

    Like it or not, here I am?

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    I am liking it too much that I'm about to have a mouthgasm!

    • 127 friends
    • 564 reviews

    A mouthgasm is the ultimate compliment to a chef.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    A chef is like a cook, only fancier.

    • 1736 friends
    • 652 reviews

    Only fancier clothes should be worn to the Legend's Rooftop bar.

  14. Rooftop bar with no railings; what could possibly go wrong?

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Go wrong and then correct yourself later, or try to go right, right from the start?

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    The start of a new day is upon you so seize the day, Carpe Diem.

  15. "Carpe diem," immediately after "seize the day," is a totally unnecessary redundancy of words solely for the purpose of throwing in a Latin phrase.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    Latin phrase, "Fidem scit" (he knows the faith) was allegedly painted above the entrance to my friend's Catholic high school cafeteria.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    School Cafeteria's back in the day had some good lunches such as Square Pizza, Bean Burritos, and Cheeseburgers.

  16. And cheeseburgers are the best ballgame food

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Ballgame food like garlic fries, corn dogs, and brawurst are mandatory when going to the park!

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    The park near my house is busy with kids' soccer games weekdays during the summer.

    • 2056 friends
    • 747 reviews

    The summer solstice occurs sometime between June 20 and June 22 in the Northern Hemisphere.

    • 145 friends
    • 8 reviews

    Northern Hemisphere winter occurs at the same time as summer in the Southern Hemisphere.

    • 2056 friends
    • 747 reviews

    Southern Hemisphere winter solstice was celebrated by the Inca Empire with a festival that honored the religion's powerful sun god, Inti.

    • 114 friends
    • 34 reviews

    God, Inti: if you have to go potty, at least go to the door and bark!

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    And bark all you want mutt, my bark is more like a growl!

  17. A growl was heard coming from the backyard.

  18. That was my tummy as I naturally fertilized the lawn bushes.

  19. * the backyard growl was my tummy as I was naturally fertilizing your lawn bushes.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Lawn bushes getting sprayed by Umeshydawggy is not cool!

  20. Not cool is the scent currently emanating from your backyard and hovering into the atmosphere

  21. The atmosphere is heavenly with the aroma of nature's bounty.

    • 129 friends
    • 88 reviews

    Nature's Bounty sells ah lot of vitamins & minerals essential to the human body.

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