Find honest feedback

- Embracing feedback is the backbone of any effort to grow as a professional. The reason is that there's a gap in how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. You think you know what they think, but the research suggests you don't. The only question is whether the gap is small or large. This gap exists because we all have a naturally-biased tendency to see ourselves in a positive light. Not to mention, we're not always great listeners or good at reading others around us, so the gap shouldn't be surprising. You never eliminate this gap, but good feedback can help keep it in check. Here's the problem. Good feedback is hard to find. People generally understand the importance of feedback, but in practice, they censor and often end up just being nice. We censor for many reasons. It could be a fear of offending someone, a desire to be kind, wanting to gain favor with others, a fear of status differences, or many other reasons. So, your goal is to find real feedback. That means honest and candid information about how you're being perceived. You can start with the typical formal feedback you've received to establish a type of baseline. That might include recent evaluations, client or customer input, 360 degree evaluations, and so on. Then it's time to go find high-quality informal feedback. If approached correctly, this is the type of feedback that really helps you close the gap we've been talking about. Ideally, here's what you're looking for. Two to three people who normally do not formally evaluate you. Yet, people who have meaningful exposure to your performance, they need to be good communicators with the ability to be candid. Finally, it's useful to consider someone more experienced and if possible, at least one person with less experience, which is a great way to ensure you gain as much unique information as possible. Now, be ready because sometimes it takes a little work to empower people to open up and be frank with you. But if you ask a few times, ask kindly and then listen after you ask instead of constantly talking, they're going to open up and start sharing. Take a few notes if needed. Inquire maybe once or twice to probe and be sure you understand what they're saying. And then, when you're done, genuinely thank them for their input. The benefits of this behavior include more than just new behavioral targets for you. You're also likely to become more thoughtful before making future decisions. And when you make this a common behavior once or twice each year, you're likely to influence others to adopt similar behaviors, which is great for the team. Try starting with just one person you trust to be really honest with you. Go build the capacity to have this type of conversation with that person. Then you can think about who might be next. That's how you go find really useful feedback.