When you disagree with someone

- It's impossible to avoid disagreements in the office, whether you're talking about politics, social issues, or work. How do you respectfully express your own opinions when others see things so differently? Are you able to maintain your authentic voice and stay true to your beliefs? There's no one size fits all solutions for every disagreement, but it's important to consider two key aspects. First, evaluate the relationship. Is it too valuable to risk by expressing your disagreement? Or is it solid enough to handle differing viewpoints? Second, consider the power dynamics. If you are in a leadership role and you fail to listen, empathize, or appreciate diverse perspectives, you may appear dictatorial. Similarly, if your boss holds a different viewpoint and you can't express your disagreement tactfully, it might be wiser to remain silent. In a few words, choose your battles carefully. So here are three steps to consider as you find yourself disagreeing with someone. Step one, prepare, before a tough conversation that's likely to create disagreements, list some possible assumptions that you're making. Then make a list of three positive intents that the person may have. Mark Goulston the author of a Harvard Business Review article on how not to get defensive, suggests that you ignore the initial two reactions. The first one is likely to be defensive, and your second one is likely to be accusatory. Lead with the third thing that comes to mind, because by then you're focusing on problem solving. If you have time, practice what you plan to say to a trusted friend or colleague. Pace, enter the conversation being mindful of your pace and your emotion. Ask questions to help you understand where the person is coming from. Acknowledge the other person's position and show that you appreciate it. Express your point of view and reasoning calmly and factually, but avoid making judgements. Listen intently, hold your position lightly, and even express some appreciation. Process, what you do after a contentious conversation is as important as what you do during it. Move beyond disagreement towards problem solving, mutual action and understanding. Reflect on how you handle the situation, and if you need to adjust your approach for the next time the disagreement comes up. Our natural tendency is to avoid conflict, whether it involves our boss or a good colleague, but as noted by the authors of the very popular book, Crucial Conversations, our greatest risk is to remain silent. Practice the prepare, pace, and process steps, so the next time you get into a disagreement, you'll be prepared to speak up effectively and tactfully. Now, make sure to check out the toolkit in the upcoming video, where you can test these techniques in a variety of situations and topics.