Braunwyn Windham-Burke and Jennifer Spinner Share Why They 'Need to Be' in the South 'Right Now' (Exclusive)

Braunwyn Windham-Burke and Jennifer Spinner want to use their privilege to make a difference — especially in their new home state of Tennessee. 

Speaking exclusively to PEOPLE, The Real Housewives of Orange County alum, 45, and Spinner, 38, explain why they chose to move to the south as a queer couple and how they hope to foster a change for the LGBTQ+ community amid the current climate.

“I know when we moved here, a lot of people were like, ‘Why would you move your family here?’” Windham-Burke tells PEOPLE. “And my response was, ‘It's easier to be gay in West Hollywood and Brooklyn, but this is where we need to be right now. We have a lot of privilege. Let's do the work to make every part of this country safe for future generations.’”

Spinner agrees, adding that she feels it’s important to be aware of the “privilege and safety” she has as a “white middle class person” who “grew up upper middle class.” She also notes that she didn’t want to let “other people’s hatred and prejudice and bias” deter her from following Windham-Burke to Franklin, Tennessee.

“Queer people keep not going to the areas that are hostile because they don't want to deal with it or it's unsafe. And those [perspectives] are valid,” she says. “No one should have to do anything that they don't want to do that's unsafe. But for me, I was like, I'm not going to let other people's hatred and prejudice and bias impact my ability to live with my family. I'm not going to be an occasional visitor in Braunwyn's life.”

Last week, The Human Rights Council declared an “official state of emergency for LGBTQ+ people in the United States for the first time,” citing 75 anti-LGBTQ+ bills that have been signed into law so far in 2023. A number of these bills — ranging from anti-trans legislation to drag bans — hail from southern states.

Spinner — who identifies as non-binary and uses she/her pronouns — has been open about the harassment she’s experienced, recalling recent instances where she was harassed and called slurs by a group of men at a state park in Kentucky.  

“There were three very intoxicated men who basically just verbally harassed me. First, it was about politics,” she explains. “And then it progressed into my sexuality and their guesses on what my sexuality was. And then it sort of escalated into them getting more aggressive and chasing me. And I was in the middle of the woods alone, so I ended up hiding for about 20 minutes. … They were making sexually explicit comments about what they thought I wanted them to do to me.”

Spinner later shared her horrifying experience in an emotional post on Instagram. “This photo was taken about 10 minutes before running into a group of drunk men who felt threatened by my existence in the world,” she wrote. “Am I guilty of using a random disconnected mid-wood dock as a springboard for a vapid photo? Yes. Am I somehow taunting insecure southern men with my VERY provocative Town of Hempstead marathon T-shirt and black jeans? No.”

“This is my home now and I can assure you, no amount of hateful rhetoric is going to run me out of town,” the caption continued. “This is going to be my first Pride month living in the South and I have to say, I’ve never felt more proud or more connected to my community than I do right now.”

Windham-Burke says she also initially spoke up about the incident on her own Instagram, but ended up taking the post down after a flood of intense backlash and “homophobic comments” directed at Spinner.

“This is not an isolated incident,” Spinner says. “We love our town, we love our house, we love our community, but there have been some intense interactions that I've had with people, especially when I'm with the kids.”

Windham-Burke shares seven children — five of whom are minors — with ex-husband Sean Burke, whom she filed for divorce from in 2022. He has a room at their house and often stays with them, with the three working together as co-parents.

Windham-Burke and Spinner explained that their primary motivation for moving to Tennessee was the “cost of living” and “good schools” for the kids.

Spinner adds that, despite the harassment she’s faced, they’ve also had some “amazing” experiences in Tennessee, including one time when a woman “chased after her” after checking out at a Walmart.

During the shopping trip, she says several people were “noticeably” standoffish and that a few had made comments. So, when the woman began running after her, she feared the worst.

“I was like, ‘Oh God, this is not good,’” Spinner recalls. “So I just keep walking quicker. And she was like, ‘No, I just wanted to apologize to you. Not everyone here is like this. I'm so sorry. I saw what happened, and it's not okay.’”

“And I was like, ‘Okay, you know what? There are some good people here,” she adds.

For Windham-Burke, she believes being a vocal ally in a time like this is essential.

“You can't say, ‘I'm not political’ anymore. This is human rights,” she says. “This is literally my wife hiding in the bushes. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not being an ally.”

In February, the couple unofficially tied the knot in a Las Vegas ceremony. Because Windham-Burke is still in the process of divorcing her ex, the marriage isn’t legal yet — but the commitment is still just as real to them. 

“We were talking and we were like, 'F--- it, let's just go and do it. I know I'm going to be with you for the rest of my life, you know you're going to be with me for the rest of my life. What are we waiting for?’” Windham-Burke previously told PEOPLE in February. “She's the love of my life. She's my soul mate. And as she's told me, I'm hers. Neither of us thought we'd have love like this and we'd find our person. So we just wanted our life to begin. When you come out later in life, you just want to seize all the moments."

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“I know I can't legally marry her right now, as I'm still going through divorce proceedings,” she adds. “But in my eyes and my heart, she's my wife and I'm hers.”